“THERE WAS ONE A DOG WHO GOT A BONE. THIS DOG WALKED UP TO A LAKE AND SAW HIS REFLECTION. THE DOG IN THE REFLECTION HAD A BONE, AND THEN THE DOG TRIED TO GET THE BONE IN THE REFLECTION AND LOST BOTH BONES LOL”

I’m glad to be able to understand children’s stories.

My point is that I am considering merging this blog with my Alfredo Afro blog. I’m simply trying to narrow down my plethora of projects. I don’t see the point in having multiple blogs, especially when I really pour much of my creative energy into something else that is just more entertaining to viewers, funner for me, and a lot less preachy.

Of course I’m always wanting to change shit around, and I own something like 25 domains, so this is nothing new.

I could easily change my mind in 12 or so minutes.

Shock and TERROR.

It would appear that, despite my ramblings and talent to procrastinate, I am somewhat competent at being productive. After the last tour ended I came home with expectations of unhindered laziness (if that makes any sense). Seems that I’ve entered a phase in my life where if I’m not consistently doing something productive I feel as if I’m wasting time.

Let’s not lose perspective though. I’ve gamed like crazy (as you’ll see below). However with that and the management of the trailer monster that I’ve taken on, I’ve been able to self manage myself without going nuts.

(I’m also trying again to not become a lethargic sack of crap, and last week I started jogging. Yeah, ME.)

My little web comic is starting to take some sort of shape. The more I work on Alfredo Afro the more it just feels right. Ideas hit me at random for blogs and comics and they’re just getting funnier and funnier. I’m also noticing that my blogs receive more attention than the normal bi-weekly comics do, which doesn’t exactly surprise me thanks to whatever experience I built up with Pluh.com‘s reviews and other crap.

These are just fun to create.

Speaking of, I’ve considered “rebooting” pluh.com a few times. It gets traffic thanks to the Daily Dumb over there which I’m determined to make the main (and possibly only) feature of the site. Just thinking about trying something “new” with that site almost sends me into a depression. Anyone I ever bring it up to seems to not care, or their eyes glaze over with copious amounts of foam emerging from their mouth-cannons, and I CAN’T BLAME THEM.

I wouldn’t declare it dead, but I wouldn’t try to “reboot” it either. CPU is doing a great job with the Daily Dumb and I wanna keep that going.

With Alfredo Afro, at least I know if it fails it’s because *I* failed. I’d have nobody else to blame. Did I give it my all for Pluh.com? I can’t say for sure. At least now with AA I know it has a clear purpose and I don’t have to hope that others do stuff without me having to “motivate” them. Heh.

Alright. Enough. Game review time. Don’t get used to this, because 2012 is looking quite a bit more bland than this year.

(I’m STILL playing Skyrim. WOAH.)

Gears of War 3 (Xbox 360)

This review sums up how I’m feeling about modern shooters in general, and GOW3 is no exception.

I can’t play this game for more than an hour without getting bored. Seriously. The games looks great, sounds great, was well designed, etc, but… I don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s just me being a picky jerk or if I’m losing my metaphorical cogs. I can definitely tell that many, many months of time, energy, and talent went into this game because it is obviously very well produced.

But like the Call of Duty single-player games (which I’ve never actually finished because I get SO FUCKING BORED), there’s a moment when I have to pause the game and think, “is this really worth my time right now?”

In all the Gears of War games, here’s the general strategy:

1. Take cover
2. Shoot bad guys
3. Go to step 1 if you get injured

The challenge here is to not fall asleep while playing. There were a few awesome, memorable moments where you’d have to use strategy to kill the baddies, such as this one giant creature that you had to aim for the eyes, but it’d vanish and burrow around. At the end of the first Gears, the last boss was a BLAST to fight because he required real strategy.

The dialogue and story are all excellent. I just wish I could fast-forward through the actual gameplay to watch the characters tell the story.

That is bad.

5 out of 10 glowies.

Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii)

Ahh, good old Zelda.

This review also sums up how I feel about this game. So what if I referenced another review? YOU SHUT IT.

Now all the positives from a Zelda game are there: Puzzles, swordplay, strategy, visuals – it’s all there. What isn’t there, sadly, is – and I really hate to say this – is real originality. I know, I know – BLASPHEMAWR!

Gametrailers summed it up; this feels like I’m going through the motions.

• Find dungeon
• get thingy
• use thingy to kill boss
• Next dungeon

I know, I know – this is what Zelda is all about. It is fun and I am enjoying it. I just wanna see Link doing something ELSE for once rather than the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.

To compare, it is in my top 5 Zelda games and I’ve played ‘em all.

Definitely snag this if you love yourself some Zelda!

9 out of 10 Vanishing Princesses

That about does it for me. I need to do some sketching and… well, I don’t wanna go and fire myself for incompetence.

All better. Hey, I took a small vacation! That means it’s time to draw comics again. Oh, and video games. There’s some crap relating to a band… but hey, whatever.

Speaking of crap, how about some game reviews?

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

This game, along with a few others, helped me realize how much I’m NOT an elite gamer. Sometimes the “You versus 60 bad guys” thing can become infuriating. One moment I’m blasting 15 different baddies with my AK-47, then out of nowhere 2 guys wielding shotguns flank me and I’m dead, even though I was checking my flanks. On top of that, I can unload TWO CLIPS of AK rounds into just one of those shotgun wielding, armor-wearing guys and they won’t die.

That’s the only problem I had with this game.

Everything else is gaming perfection. My jaw hit the floor several times during this game, especially during the exploding plane scene like you’ve probably seen in the trailers for the game. I didn’t think they’d be able to improve this much over Uncharted 2, but they did, and I had an absolute blast.

My favorite part of these games are the characters. Sully and Drake’s quips were so well written that I could honestly believe that they were real people. Looking forward to that Vita and the Uncharted on there.

9 out of 10 Shotguns in the Face

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

My poor, poor girlfriend. I had planned on this for a while and I gave her plenty of warning.

“Listen up dear. When Skyrim comes out I’m going into a small hermitage. Mmmkay?”

3 days after it’s release and I clocked in thirty-something hours. What’s WRONG with me?

Okay, in my defense, Skyrim is quite the idealistic virtual medieval magic-fantasy world. What’s better is that it’s NOT an MMORORPROPPRPG, which makes me happy. I don’t much care for those, like WoW, which doesn’t end. Skyrim is a happy medium. It’s so vast and huge that it doesn’t seem like you can do everything, but if you played about 300 hours of it you probably COULD do everything. The game CAN end and you don’t have to pay for monthly crap. YES.

I bought the game for the PC only because I wanted to take advantage of mods (which are already coming out) and any other cool stuff that won’t be available for Xbox or PS3. Plus… it’s on my laptop that I can take ANYWHERE. Love that part.

The game looks and sounds almost perfect. Sometimes I end up stopping and gawking at scenery. Voice acting is diverse enough to not bore me to tears like Oblivion. Caves, towers, quests – almost ALL are unique. Dual casting spells is amazing. Bethesda, please remake Morrowind with this engine. PLEASE. I know you won’t… but PLEASE?

Heh.

The shouts are so much fun to use. Being able to shout at someone and watch their body flop away in the distance just never gets old. I would KILL to have that ability in real life.

KILL.

There are some bugs in the game. I came across an annoying one last night, but it doesn’t stop the game from being fun. When I got to a point where I could get married in the game (hey, this hot chick was calling me handsome, what can I do?), we opted to get hitched. When I arrived at the church and it was time to get married, suddenly the dead body of one of my former companions that died appeared by the church entrance and it said that I “Failed to Attend My Own Wedding” or something. Essentially this.

Yeah.

Little things like that creep up, but the game is otherwise a blast. If you like RPG heaven and hate having a life, Skyrim is THE ONES.

(I had some screenshots but they’ve vanished. ARGH)

9.7 out of 10 Lame Skyrimjob Jokes

It’s amusing. The bittersweetness that is touring. Naturally anyone who has any kind of day job AND is a musician would probably throw their own grandmother off of a cliff to tour for a living.

There was a former bassist from a very famous metal band that I met recently. The dude did several world tours, helped deliver the band he was in to superstardom, and then walked away from it all. Parties, travelling, tour buses, all that stuff – GONE. “How could he do that?” you ask?

I think I understand why.

Getting burnt out can happen to anyone. It almost happened to me right before we recorded “The Digital Appetizer.” I almost stepped back and walked away. I’m obviously very glad I didn’t since we’re making tremendous progress. Sometimes, though, it is tempting. Those late nights where I just want to get away and I can’t, I become tempted. When dramatic nonsense hits the fan, I become tempted. When, as a leader and owner, my decisions get constantly challenged/questioned and I want to punch faces, I become extremely tempted.

Of course, these are things that have to be dealt with. The pros FAR outweigh the cons in the long run.

So what the hell is my problem? I think I just need a break. Luckily in 3 days I’ll be home.

Playing video games. Wonder if I can just let my phone battery die and not touch it for three days? Hmm.

Here are 3 out of the 73 games that are coming out this month that I have to play:

Did all game devs get together and decide to release all their games all at once? NOT NICE.

Of course, SKYRIM is the one I want the most. I preordered it for the PC (Boot Camp in my case) and probably will ignore all other games for a good month. Heh.

I loved Oblivion, but there were several factors about that game that really limited my enjoyability. For starters, there were probably about 10 voice actors for all the different races. Encompass all those voices across hundreds of characters and there’s an issue with monotony.

Worth bitching over? Not at all. The game is a work of art, and it seems with Skyrim they’ve addressed all the little “thingies” that were goofy. So yeah, can’t wait to get my digital hands on that’n.

I keeid, I keeid.

So we’re finally going out with Mushroomhead this fall which is a nice change of pace for us. Let me rephrase: We’ve been touring for almost six years now and there hasn’t been a real strong opportunity for us to go out. Think about it; how many huge metal bands want to take out a comedy metal band?

Can I iterate?

The problem with being “unique” is that you’re “risky” in the eyes of other bands/promoters/booking agents. Wanna know why we haven’t toured England/Austrailia/WORLD yet? We’re a “risk” in the eyes of the industry because of our comedic undertones. No matter how YOU feel about it, there’s nothing we can do if Huge Metal Band X won’t take us out because they’re not sure about us.

What’s equally as frustrating is from all the ass-busting we do other bands seemingly just waltz into some sort of famous status where they’re swimming in tour buses, fans, and huge touring ops without even trying. Of course, I’m sure there are some bands out there who look at us and go, “Those fucktards sing songs about tacos and testicles and people like it. Screw them.”

I know you’re out there. *finger points at screen*

Hopefully this tour will help show the world that Psychostick can hang with other non-comedic acts and do it well. We can, I assure you.

Okay, enough about that.

I want to play this.

NOW.

Yeah.

So I was all promising this massive update. That promise was empty.

However, I DID attempt to put together a massive tour update that was interesting and full of stories. No really, I did. I even took the time to compile a list of shows and post interesting bullet points on each show. For real. Then I realized that I had about 6,443,009 other, slightly more important higher priority things to wrastle.

Still haven’t fallen behind with Alfredo Afro. Although at the moment there’s nothing in my queue… and that’s bad. Suddenly had to work on shirt designs because we’ve got an exciting tour we’re prepping for in October. I’ve got so many freakin’ blog ideas that–

Okay, okay – enough. How about a real update.

There’s no doubt – the Unleash the Dumb Tour 2011 was pure success. I mean, just look.

Dumb, unleashed.

So much happened. Then, near the beginning of the tour, there was this little show in Orlando, FL called EARTHDAY BIRTHDAY. We’ve got some major love there from WJRR there. Our stupid presentation attracted the attention of thousands upon thousands of crazy Floridians.

Proof? Ahem.

My wide backside and... a few people.

Quite flattering, I must say. I hate tootin’ my own horn, but… we had the largest crowd on that second stage, and we were something like the 5th out of 12 bands or something. It was utterly in-fucking-holy-shitballs-insane. Before this large crowd there was about 1/3rd of what you see above. Apparently when you start singing about tacos and shitty cars, Florida listens and walks towards the noise.

Love it.

The rest of the tour went extremely well, mets oodles of stupid Psychostick fans, saw stupid costumes, ate tons of great food. Check out most of the pictures here – there’s still more I gotta put up.

Of course, there’s the bad. Our trailer, our extremely shitty trailer, can’t handle the gear we haul, so it’s time to retire it. Of course a new one, more specifically a badass professional Wells Cargo trailer, costs about $7,000. So if any of you know someone who has a slightly used 7 x 16 Wells Cargo trailer, let me know. Thx.

After we wrapped up the Unleash the Dumb Tour, I received a call from Bill Manspeaker (Green Jello) asking if we wanted to play Warped Tour. Aside from a few logistics, we said yes.

And it was EPIC.

For starters, we played this little tent thing (roughly 20 x 20 feet). But that’s not the crazy part – our Warped Tour experience made mince meat out of us. I call it “Boot camp for bands” because, well, you have to haul your gear across extremely long distances. Like, HALF-A-MILE. That’s not every day, just a few.

Nuts.

But that’s not the crazy part.

We got to play in front of some key decision makers at Warped.

Then a bunch of awesome shit happened that I can’t tell you about.

How about a Starcraft 2 review?

Heh.

Starcraft 2 – PC

This is what a SEQUEL is supposed to be. I never actually finished the first Starcraft but I did play a chunk of it. FUN.

Sequel is FUNNER.

There are few near-perfect games out there. Starcraft 2 is so close to perfection that it’s extremely difficult to find faults, the only one being some glitches with a cutscene or two. I found that my lack of skill is what kept me from getting ALL the bonus stuff and achievements, not the game. The game never once got in the way, which is rare for games. The story is interesting, there’s tons to do, and battle.net performs so extremely well for multiplayer.

Now I can’t freakin’ wait for Diablo III. Hurry up Blizzard. But… take your time. Meh, whatever.

Buy and play Starcraft 2.

9.9/10 Uncomfortable Terran Armor Erections

Trying to wrap up Torchlight and a few other games. Struggling through Duke Nukem Forever. It’s just… kind of boring. Poor Duke.

‘Til next time, stupid!

Major blogging going to happen after this tour ends. There has been an extreme scarcity of green rooms and decent WIFI to blog and such.

Plus I’ve been drawing craptons of comics. Haven’t fallen behind… yet.

AND I got some new hardware. Gaming is fun.

Earlier this month when Alfredo Afro launched…

(pauses for applause)

… uhh, the ideas for blogs and comics started flowing. I opened a giant can on wyrms with this comic site. Yes, “WYRMS.” Not “WORMS.” Wyrms are a form of giant dragon for all you non-nerds out there. Thus the giant beasts were released from a ridiculously huge aluminum can upon the launch. You can’t tell by looking at it but I feel the effects already. I’m gonna grow that sumbitch like a weed.

"Wanna make out?"

Surprisingly, the biggest response started hailing from the only two blogs posted thus far. The first one, “Why Playing Trombone Sucks,” is a comical autobiographical tale of the obnoxiousness and overall crappy experience that Marching/Symphonic band was. The second, “9 Ways to Create a Website that Fails,” is based on the lessons I’ve learned from the school of electronic hard-knocks.

Based on reading reactions of the blogs as opposed to the comics, I think the real “hit” of the site will be the blogs. I’ll keep on truckin’ to see what happens, but the blogs seem to be snagging more attention. Hmm.

(Don’t worry you three Rawrb.com followers, I’ll keep posting stuff here as often as I remember to)

To me, Alfredo Afro is kind-of an “all-or-nothing” attempt at running a singular website with consistent and quality content. Yeah, my drawings kind of suck compared to, oh I don’t know, MARVEL COMICS, but I don’t care. I think they’re funny. I write and draw stuff that makes me laugh. If I don’t laugh, I don’t post it. Quite a simple formula, huh?

I feel that this site will succeed in some form; not really “financially” but just as a way for me to finally put my abilities to use that AREN’T for some large corporation or a client. This one is for ME, and it’s about time I get to be a little selfish.

This makes me giggle. That means you should too.

Speaking of “being selfish,” I’ve also been systematically unfollowing/hiding posts on twitter and facebook that are “downers” for me. If you have multiple posts talking about how your life sucks you constantly experience a torrent of overly dramatic crap, I probably unfollowed/hid you. Nothing personal… no, wait – yeah – it’s personal. I don’t wanna read your sob-story. The internet is not your therapist.

I don’t mean to sound like a self-help goody-two-shoes new-agey tool monkey, but your life is a GIFT and you only get ONE. After billions of years of evolution we’ve been given these huge, awesome, complex brains that have the ability to achieve absolutely anything we set our efforts to. Why would you WASTE it on whining about how the world doesn’t hold your hand through life?

If you’re miserable and hate yourself, that’s your problem and ONLY  your problem and it’s up to YOU to fix it. Nobody is going to swoop in and save you from yourself.

Ever.

Period.

WAAAAAH!

Yeah, something like that.

Even Microsoft wants IE6 to die.

Seriously, if you’re still using it, upgrade.

Like the “new” layout? I totally ganked that 1024x WordPress theme and did some minor modifying. Not that you… care. Wait, do you care? DO YOU ACTUALLY CARE? No? Awh.

So that Alfredo Afro thing I’ve been raving about is finally done. It’s launching on March 1st as some of you already know. Since our last “meeting” I’ve managed to create a really funny blog for it which equates to about NINE comics, and now I’m at the point where I can crank a decent looking comic in a couple of hours or less, depending on the complexity.

Yeah. Here’s a stack of prints that’ll be ready to sell once March 1st hits. That’s right. I’m actually going through with this. Oh, and to the left of those prints are some stickers that’ll be going out to the lucky folks who buy stuff.

11 x 17 and 8.5 x 11. Aren't I just generous?

Am I excited? Yes. Yes I am. I don’t even care if it fails miserably, I’m just happy to be doing this.

How about a couple of game reviews? No? Too bad.

Dead Space 2 (PC, 360, PS3)
What a freakin’ experience this game is. Some of you electronic stalkers of mine might already know that I’m a huge Dead Space fan, and this sequel did not disappoint. It basically took all the great aspects of Dead Space and turned ‘em up. Prior to me purchasing this game I was playing it’s prequel on the hardest difficulty to get warmed up.

This game is TENSE. From the very first scene to the last battle I was rather “white-knuckled.” The only con to Dead Space is that there’s no quick spin-around controls like in Resident Evil 4 and 5, thus the controls get clunky at times. But at least you can WALK AND AIM at the same time, Capcom. Take cue from this game and make us proud, mmkay? Good Capcom.

9.3/10 Severed Limbs

Dragon Quest VI (NDS)
I’m right at the end of this game; far enough to review it.

What can I say? It’s Dragon Quest. Fast, simple, and fun. Utilizing the same engine as the remakes of IV and V, part VI takes the already great visuals from the SNES and overhauls ‘em, adding a ton more personality to the characters and enemies. I absolutely love the animation in these NDS remakes. The musical score is very much improved. I’m glad to be playing an official translation of this game; the fan translation of the Super Famicom game didn’t have a ton of personality, although I am NOT complaining. I was very glad to play it.

My preorder bonus. All of my dreams finally came true now that I have a Plush Slime from Dragon Quest.

Gameplay is great, story is decent (nothing amazing or original), and the class system is highly addictive. Makes me wanna break out Dragon Quest VII for the PSOne and go nuts, but that’s just crazy talk. I don’t have 70 spare hours laying around.

Can’t wait to see what Squeenix does for the 3DS and the PSP2 or whatever the hell it’s called.

9.1/10 Stupid Plush Slimes

Those new Macbook Pros were announced today. To my delight they’ve finally allowed for QUAD-CORE! It’s kind of my Hardcore or Metalcore, but… FOUR! I guess four-core sounds stupid. That’s ONLY if you have the wrong attitude, though.

I’m going to attempt to raise enough cash to get one of these. I told myself, “Mr. Rawrb, sir, if they announce quad-core Macbook Pros, it’ll be time to upgrade.” Not that my computer is dead or anything, bit it’s showing some age. I might have to sell my body to raise enough cash.

Pssh, none of  you could afford me.