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Buddies
Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I have not posted in a while. I'll post stuff probably in a week. Just very, very, very busy. And attractive.
%BLOG-IMAGES%So much change!
I have some work to do on a friend's site, but first I must rant.
There's so many thing changing in my life right now. I swear for the past 3 years everything was kind of dormant, and then everything swooped in and started changing. There's a tremendous amount of anxiety that I'm feeling due to this. It's exciting, but it's making me so anxious; triggering the "fight or flight" response. My comfort zone has been destroyed, and it's very hard to move around knowing it's not there!
The first thing is this job transition. I'm going from a huge corporation to a smaller company, so that's a drastic change. Then my soon-to-be-former boss tells me, "You sure you want to do this?" That really didn't help! Now I'm even more anxious! The influence of other peoples' comfort zones is bombarding me. Errrgh.
There's also some... stuff going on in my personal life that I'd rather not talk about right now, but I am taking care of it. There will be no avoiding reality.
That's pretty much all I have right now. To work I go!
%BLOG-IMAGES%Wow...
I packaged a bunch of shirts and CDs. It's scary how many of these I've been doing lately... so scary! But in a really good way. %BLOG-IMAGES%Life grows more crazy!
Crazy like a rabid ostrich!Well, I've decided to take a small break from all the crazy intense web development and post something... new?
Chemical Bomb, Chemical Bomb
Eyes Melt, Skin Explodes, Everybody's Dead
Bar har, Aquabats are great.
Anyway, stab stab stab. More DeAngelo stuff all week this week. I've learned so much that I can't really get too far into it because I'll REALLY get into it. In essense: Most men nowadays are wimpy wussy types (like I was about 3 years ago). "Nerrr nerrr, if we act more like women, women will like us!" Oh wow, that's brilliant. Men are becoming lesbians. Yeah, they like girls, but then they question their phallus. "Me twig and berries ain't for that sort of thing! Let's go shopping!" Brilliant.
So the concept of what a "Man" is has become jaded. So after watching and reading, the mature man is essentially (or rather, should be) what a Paladin was. (Thanks to Jarsh for pointing this out)
A Paladin (kind of like a chivalrious mideval knight) is extremely strong, powerful, and confident. He's also gentle, compassionate; a protector. He does not take any shit and "does the right thing."
Something like that. Times have changed tremendously though. The idea of Chivalry has pretty much been decimated by society and feminism, but that's a whole other rant (in the words of Chris Rock, "Women KEEEILLED chivalry!"). There is a huge difference, though, from being "nice" and being "chivalrious." HUGE. But yeah, if you think about that, it'll make plenty of sense.
Moving onward.
I've also been doing more research on body language from more videos and reading material. This particular subject was kind of something I knew subconciously, but it's even more obvious now that all the subtleties have been pointed out to me. Tone of voice, posture, approaching someone without making them uncomfortable, etc. Also, the manner in which someone speaks REALLY reflects how confident and sure of themself they are.
For example, if you listen to someone talking and they say, "Uhh," "Umm," or "Like," a whole lot, they usually aren't that confident about themselves or what they have to say. During the course of this week, I've been spending some extra time paying attention to how I speak. Wow. I caught myself on several occasions wanting to revert to those "conversation fillers" (Uhh, um, like). Instead of doing that, I started speaking a little slower, deeper voice, better annuonciation, more focused, and rather than using those fillers, I would take a couple of seconds to gather what I had to say and then say it.
While I did this, I would also adjust my posture. Most people, when speaking, would lean closer to the person(s) they are talking to, dart their eyes around randomly, etc. This actually shows "submission" - like you're catering to the people you're talking to. What I did was lean back a little bit, hold my head up more, make eye contact, keep my arms at my sides (mostly), and so forth.
I can tell you this much: People, no matter how "dominant" they think they are, end up reading this and leaning in towards me, giving me control of the conversation, thus giving me the lead! NUTS. This was especially true with the ladies I've talked to this week. The way they would respond completely surprised me. Suddenly those tall, attractive, intimidating women would submit to me without even knowing it (by "submit" I mean give me the lead, you perverts). Veeeeery interesting stuff. And I love it.
Alright, that's enough for now. I swear I'm gonna write a book on this shit someday.
%BLOG-IMAGES%Oh yeah
I have a lot to talk about, such as plans with this site and other sites, and more epiphanies. I'm just busy right now, but watch for it anyway! %BLOG-IMAGES%Argh!
The thing that sucks about transitioning to a new job is that you have to wait 2 weeks. If your job sucks, that 2 weeks just DRAG on.
My future boss invited me to go to Rocky Point this weekend (!!!)! I think I just might go. Never been there! Rawr.
%BLOG-IMAGES%More stuff and things...
I'd like to start this particular blog out with some interesting stuff.
For starters, here's me getting some shirts ready to ship.
AAAND... getting pictures like this make me so happy.
Ohh, how happy I am.
It's been a pretty amazing week for me. It has, in a weird way, set the tone for how the rest of the year is going to be. For starters, I got this new job that looks to be completely different in every positive way from my old one. It's a block away (maybe 2 blocks), I don't have to dress up every damn day, I will save money on gas and food, I will have a better opportunity to get in shape, etc, etc. Plus I'll start growing with web programming and everything! WOW! Can you believe that? A job where I'll learn something and become smarter!
Secondly, a lot of cool band stuff is happening. One particular thing I can't mention online. Heh heh. What I can tell you is that Mike (our bassist) just got his new amp today. It sounds so incredible. Just adding that, along with Joshy's and V's great rigs, our live sound is about 10,000 times better. Then I had to order more shirts because we ran out of certain sizes/colors! Now I need to order stickers, then posters, then presskits, then... oh man, it's getting more and more crazy. I love it. I love our fans. I love this band. I love love! HAR HARLWRO!#@Lk
More David DeAngelo stuff this week too. I'm borrowing a DVD set from a friend called, "On Being a Man." Sounds silly, yes. Strangely enough though most males, fully grown, do not know HOW to be a man. What does "being a man" entail? A lot of people assume that you have to beat your chest and beat up women or something to "be a man." No, that's not it.
What this series is talking about is transitioning from the "boy" mentality to the "man" mentality. Most males nowadays are not fully taught how, or initiated, into manhood. There's a lot of reasons behind this, like:
- Not having a father around, so we had to raise ourselves (very, very common)
- Being emasculated by overbearing fathers (think about that dad guy from Friday Night Lights who taped a football to his kid's hands)
- Spoiled by good intentioned mothers (women do not now how to raise a man... sorry, but they don't)
- We went through "pseudo-initiations" like sports, boot-camp, gangs, and fraternities
- We made it to adulthood, alone, missing a critical set of elements with no map or hints to find them.
Cool stuff. Another thing that's important for males to understand is that women generally are not attracted to men with a boy-ish mentality. Guys with a boyish mentality tend to act like one of the following:
- Avoids and represses the fact, does not confront because it's too scary, low self-esteem, depression, image of "loser"
- Spoiled behaviour, cheater, manipulator, arrogant, tyrant, pointlessly violent
Think about it. Are any of those traits attractive? Not really. Interesting, huh? So what does make a man attractive to women? Being strong; a protector, a leader, mentor to others, source of grounding energy, on his own purpose, etc. Cool stuff. And of course, DeAngelo goes into tons of detail that I can't even get into without making this 50 pages long. Let's just say I've identified with a lot of this stuff and am now understanding how some of my past behaviour has influenced most of my shortcomings as a man. Personal growth? Fuck yeah.
Anyway, this week I'll probably be blogging quite a bit as I learn more stuff. Besides, this DeAngelo stuff is preparing me for a couple of interesting situations I'll be in soon. Amazing stuff.
%BLOG-IMAGES%Don't wanna be here!
The job is pretty much mine if I want it. I do! But I gotta see the offer that's on it's way. Should arrive in an hour or two. I can hardly sit still. I'm more nervous about putting in my 2 weeks notice than anything. I was only on this team for like 4 months, and that sucks! I feel bad about that, but... at the same time, I gotta look out for me. Rawrb is Rawrb's #1 priority!
Gotta go!
%BLOG-IMAGES%Today will destroy you!
Man, I need to get this WYSISYG editor installed here.
Today is my 2nd interview at this place, and things are really looking good so far. I'm pretty sure I'll get the jarb, but we'll see what happens.
Got a lot to do today, so I must go. KILL!
%BLOG-IMAGES%Interesting...
...mostly!Rather than code my own blog software (why re-invent the wheel?), I downloaded this one and decided to use it.
I'll definately be doing some modifications, like this bland color scheme and adding a WYSIWYG editor (still have to type out HTML), but this makes updating a little easier. Mostly. For now.
I'm going home now.
%BLOG-IMAGES%Strange!
Another change!Strange things are going on. Not gonna mention though. Not yet.
Anyway, job interview was great. So unorthidox! The company is small, a lot smaller than I thought. But the charm it company was that it's highly successful with a small staff. My interview was with the president guy, and he was in jeans and stuff (while I was uber-dressed up), and we just chatted away. I told him about my band, he wanted to hear it (and ended up really liking it). For the most part the interview went really well, but after we talked so much he wanted to set up a second interview. After going home and thinking about what happened, I realized that I REALLY want this job. So I'm bustin' my ass to get it. (this makes it really hard to work at my current job, ugh)
Psychostick shirts went on sale yesterday, and we sold tons already. Awesome! It's almost overbearing, but I don't mind spending a few hours packaging up shirts for the greater good. We have plans for more merch soon. And a tour... :)
Strange stuff. I'm going now. Lots to do. I kinda like how this page is working. Just me ranting, and no one can post what they think. That's funny!
%BLOG-IMAGES%Time fights me!
(Actually posted on 12-29-05 at 10:02 PM)So many interesting things are going on lately.
Tomorrow is my job interview. I'm hoping it turns out well; so far I like the company and I like the feller I've been talking to over the phone. It's a smaller company - nothing at all like the GIANT one I work for right now. I think I would prefer that instead of the corporate "stuff" I deal with almost daily. So I'm pretty psyched. It's kinda rough though... the job I have now I haven't been at very long (probably 7 months or so), and I took that one to break the monotomy of the job before that. It turned out to be nothing like I expected... in a bad way.
Me and Jawrsh had a few interesting conversations these past few days. Most of the time we talk about Psychology and personal growth, both of which have been the main focus of our lives these past few years. In conjunction with the David DeAngelo information that we've been absorbing (which is all about personal growth), he came to an interesting conclusion that I never even considered. I would like to keep the details to a minimum (for personal reasons). How can I put this... ahh, here we go. The Great Depression. A nice little factoid this time period certainly comes into play here. Okay, from what I understand, the main cause of the Great Depression was paranoia. People were so afraid of the stock market crashing that they withdrew all their investements (at once). Once that happened, THE STOCK MARKET CRASHED! Thus, the crashing of the Stock Market was a direct result of people's fear of it crashing. In a similar context - losing something or someone can be directly caused by the FEAR of losing that something/someone.
Interestind, yes?
Something else that's loosely related: "Attraction isn't a choice." Heh heh, that's enough about that now.
I'm off to bed now. Big day tomorrow. Yes!
%BLOG-IMAGES%2005 = much better.
(Actually posted on 12-28-05 at 10:04 AM)This year was probably 7.6 million times better than 2004.
There is a nice phrase that I can use to describe the entire year of 2004: Gut-wrenching suckiness. I won't go into mundane detail, but I spent that year getting over someone, being on the rebound (which I still feel weird about), and waking up from that nightmare of a year in general. There were good things, but they were dwarfed by the mack truck embedded in my sternum throughout that horrible year.
This year, 2005, has been absolutely enthtralling for me. For starters, Psychostick started really taking off about July-ish. I can't tell you how amazing it is to get tons of fanmail, CD orders, shirt orders, XM radio play, radio interviews, label interest, touring offers, and all that. Indescribeable.
Personally I had the whole year to myself. I was able to focus on just me, and it was something I really needed. So here I am now, all happy and stuff, highly anticipating what's to come from 2006. I really think that Psychostick will definately start blowing up, exponentially, over 2005. And me personally? Who knows! I have a job interview coming up that will (hopefully) help me escape from this current job that I just flat out do not enjoy. I mean, if you can't enjoy what you're doing, WHY DO IT?! What's crazy is that this job is like half a block from where I live. I could WALK there in 5 minutes. Ohh, the money I would save! And make. Yes.
Of course, all that is null and void when I go tour, heh heh.
Anyway, my vacation was pretty sweet. The 13 hour drive to there (and back) wasn't even that bad. A couple of things did suck - I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before I drove there, so I had to do everything I could to make sure I was not groggy. I mostly listened to talk radio and the occasional CD. The drive back was much better because my dad got me XM Radio. I pretty much listened to the comedy stations the whole time. Note: Chris Rock and Dave Chappel are funny.
Hmm, what else. Blah, I should go. I'll probably make this page easier to update for me in a few weeks or so. Right now it's not so bad. I added a contact form on the right, so contact me through there is ya want.
%BLOG-IMAGES%So tired!
Actually posted on 12-22-05 at 9:18 AM)12 hour drive. No, wait - 13 hour. Still tired. Want to do stuff. Family is great.
12-20-05 (12:53 AM): You get sauce.
The novelty of this site will soon wear off for me, and my updates will be less frequent! I'd rather post something on Pluh.com, but my energies are going towards that new design... AFTER I finish my friend's site.
This vacation to Colorado is long overdue for me. Not only will I get to see my family (the side that is a positive influence, har har), but I'll get a lot of time to myself while I drive to there and back. Aside from music, I'm going to listen to a couple of different thingies.
The first will be this Perfect Pitch course that I've procrastinated on listening to for the longest time. The whole purpose behind this will be to, of course, attain perfect pitch. I think it'd be really nice for me to be able to hear a note and name it, just from hearing it. It's entirely possible, and with a skill like that it could seriously help my singing. My live singing isn't bad or horrible, but it could definately use some work. If this is something that interests you, you can contact me and I'll get you the info later (I don't have it with me). I think this course is like 8 CDs or something. Crazy!
After that, there's a whole new slew of stuff by this guy named David DeAngelo. In a nutshell, this guy is sort of a Pickup Artist that coaches other guys who have that underlying fear of chicks. You "nice guys" know what I'm talking about. All you feel is fear, intimidation, nervousness, etc. when an opportunity is in your grasp. Well, after years of conditioning from society (and Mom), I also developed that same fear and have been paralyzed by it ever since.
It started with one particular day: I had a great opportunity pass me by. It was right in front of me. All the signals were there, the chemistry was going well, all that stuff, but - I was completely frozen in fear! I got so pissed off when I got home. SO PISSED. "That's it! I've had it!" Punching pillows, stomping feet, etc. I know I'm hot (I told you I started this site to be arrogant, heh heh), I know I'm smart, I know all this. Why was I having problems? So I turned to my brain. I go, "Rob's brain, you've done extremely well with programming, band stuff, and all that - it's time to put your awesome power to a whole new use." I then started my research when I came across David DeAngelo's material.
I watched about 4 or 5 videos from one of this seminars, and it was absolutely astonishing. I laughed, I cried, I hurled. At one point this guy was also extremely frustrated (like me) and put his brain to work. He took a complete Intuitive Thinking approach (which just happens to be my thing) and gathered all the facts in very fine detail, right down to the DNA, and put together his product called "Double Your Dating."
I'm not really interested in becoming a manwhore, but this material still applied. Just from watching those videos, I suddenly understood where I've been "going wrong" and what to do to take control of my problem. Of course, once I started stepping up to the plate, I realized that the fear was still there. However, now I understood it. Veeeery important.
On a somewhat related subject, last week when I was flying back from Chi-town (you could say I was Evacuating Chicago), I found a book in the airport bookstore called, "He's Just Not That Into You." I heard about this book from somewhere before, like on the intarweb or something. I flipped through it and ended up buying it, mostly because I was curious. The book is for females (felt weird buying it, har har), and it basically tells chicks that if a guy isn't responding to a girl or isn't asking her out or whatever, it's his way of saying, "Hey, I'm just not that into you." I read the whole thing on the plane (it's a short book), skipping a few stupid sections, but what I got out of it was, "If I'm interested in a chick, I need to let her know." The simpliciy was staggering. If I don't let her know, she's probably assuming I'm not interested (that happened earlier this year with another girl, and I didn't know why either - now I know!). Pretty crazy!
So there's this redheaded honey at this one place I'm gonna let know. Hurray! I'll still feel the fear, but I'm gonna do it anyway. I rule, so why not?
I seriously need to get going. What a rant! Die.
12-19-05 (10:25 PM): Wheh.
Well, uhh... here I am again. I'm tired, but not tired enough to go on up to bed. Want to work on other sites, but that's a bit too involved for me to get into. So I decided to make a couple of tiny updates here and THEN go to bed. Long drive on Wednesday, and I must pack. Yeah, exciting? Shut up.
Psychostick is getting crazy, crazy busy. I'm mailing out so many CDs a day that I can hardly keep up. I got home from Chicago earlier this week and spent over 3 hours getting orders ready to go. Not just CDs, but shirts too! Good thing our shirts will be restocked here soon, along with new ones, and the new ones will probably sell like crazy. It's just been insane. And I LOVE it. One guy just ordered SIX cds alone today. Just one guy! Fuck yeah. FUCK yeah.
Uhh... okay, I go now. Shut up.
%BLOG-IMAGES%No!
(Actually posted on 12-19-05)Okay, made a few changes. Still far from done, but with all I have going on, I think it's safe to say that this will be a work in progress for quite a while. Oh, look - sidebar!
I am sure some of you are wondering why I don't use myspace. "More people will read your stuff!" they say. For starters, I'm really not all that concerned if a lot of people read my page. Secondly, I did have a personal myspace page for a while... but I felt rather confined there. I didn't have the freedom I wanted. I wanted to put more pictures up, customize the page a bit more, etc. Plus Rawrb.com is a great domain name, so I had to get it. And I rule. Make sense now?
The biggest reason I stepped away from myspace was due to a bunch of personal crap. I would spend countless hours browsing around. Then I start talking to chicks halfway across the world, get wrapped up in that, and blah blah blah. Not good. I dunno, that whole thing seems to be deceiving. I'm all for making friends on there, but I started looking for more than that, and it wasn't a good thing. I mean, half the girls on there spend so much time taking pictures of themselves with the perfect lighting to hide... something. It's just a giant dating site (but great for band promotion)! I'll log onto the Psychostick myspace page here and there (Alex, our drummer, handles most of that though), but other than that - no thanks. I'll leave that all up to you guys. Have fun with that.
Besides, with my own server, the possibilities are limitless.
Anyway, I plan to use this site for:
- Personal blogs
- Professional blogs
- Band related blogs
- My Resume (online portfolio, I think)
- A place to vent!
- A place for Psychostick fans to read up on the happenings of this here singer guy
- Any great place for me to look as conceited as possible.
There ya have it.
On Wednesday (21st), I will be driving up to Colorado to visit some family. Hurray for holidays? I'll probably get bored and update this page. I don't get bored very often, so... plus I have to finish a different web project as soon as possible. BLARGH!
%BLOG-IMAGES%It begins?
(Actually posted on 12-18-05)Hi all, I am Rawrb. I sing in a band called Psychostick, as well as "run" many other websites. You can find links to them below.
Anyway, I just bought this domain name and am throwing this together. This will eventualy become my blog page/resume/whatever for things that I do. I have to get ready for rehearsal and all that. So for now... you get NOTHING!
%BLOG-IMAGES%