Shattered Heart Tacos!

Got another question. One would think I know something about stuff! Wait, what?

Here.

ok here is my situation....
there is this guy he is four and a half years older than me but we hit it off really well. he isnt my actual boyfriend but he trusts me and i want to trust him. i love him.
well he is in arkansas doing some training to go to iraq in january. well he went to go meet this girl, and he is going to stay with her for the weekend. he promised me that he wasnt going to do anything but i know that most guys....well the guys that ive been with would do it seen as its there.
should i be worried that he will do things and not tell me?
i want to believe and trust his every word but i dont know if i can.
please give me advice...
- L

For starters, a 4.5 year age difference is just fine. It might be weird if he was 18 and you were 14, but your situation is legal so it's cool. Hell, I turn 28 this month and my last girlfriend was 5 years younger than me. Go me, eh?

Anyway. He's off training and about to leave the country for a while, so your situation just got complicated. This is where trust and communication will become the two single most important factors between you two

I think it's natural to worry about his faithfulness to you. However from a guy's perspective, it's incredibly annoying when we get stereotyped as liars and cheaters. You're probably not accusing him (at least I hope not), but it's easy to imply that you're secretly jealous and might not trust him. Let's look at a couple of facts:

1. Men interact with women every day (unless World of Warcraft rules your life with an iron doom hammer).
2. Men have female friends (well, the healthy ones :).
3. Men might even have female friends who you might think are prettier than you are.
4. Men could also still be good friends with ex-girlfriends whom might even share a complicated history together.

Trusting him while he's out there really depends on his personality and if he appreciates you. It's hard for me to say, "Yeah, trust him!" I just don't know the guy. If he hasn't given you any reason not to trust him, then I wouldn't worry about it.

The BEST way, in my experience, is to just support him. Encourage his social life. "You're hanging with Sally? Ok, have fun! Call me later, ok?" This establishes in many, many subtle ways you trust him and have faith in his fidelity.

And be GENUINE about it. If he asks, "You trust me, right?" The answer is, "Yes I do. Why shouldn't I?"

However, the only thing I'm not sure about is how you mentioned he's not actually your boyfriend. Hmmm. That's peculiar to me. The above advice really applies if you're committed to each other, but if you're not you really ought to find out where you stand with the guy. If he's standoffish about committing, I'd honestly move on. Sucks, I know, but it'll save you so much drama and heartache later on.

From a guy's point of view, if I'm deliberately not committing to a woman, I'm keeping my options open.

So... yeah. I feel for you. This stuff can really suck sometimes just like it can be the most awesome-est thing EVAR.

Hope that helps.

• Dating