Couple questions came in, so I SUPPOSE I’ll answer ‘em… with a FIST.

Name: Corey
Subject:  Games
Question: Have you played Darksiders, Bayonetta, Army of Two the 40th day, or any of the newest games out if so whats your opinion on them. Also you must go on your 360 and download the Bad Company 2 demo it is amazing. I am a employ at gamestop so ive played most games that are out and that have been out but id really appreciate any input on some of these games. thanks again. -corey

Dude, can you get me a Wii? Haha. Seriously. Wii. Now. I want to buy and play NES, SNES, and other games. I also want Metroid Prime Trilogy. Want.

Anyway. I haven’t played any of THOSE particular games, but I did finish Assassin’s Creed II recently. That game was top-notch, completely surpassing every single aspect of the first one. I’ve played Arkham Asylum, Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, Fallout 3, etc etc. I tried the demo out for Bayonetta, but it seemed a bit… hokey? I dunno. Maybe I should try it and accept the ridiculous nature of that game.

Must play Bioshock 2.

Name: jacob
Subject:  2 questions, unrelated
Question: Alright, I know this is a long ago question that I should have asked in 2008ish, but it finally ate at me enough to ask. What happened with mike?  I dont wish to stir the pot in anyway, so if its unanswerable, understood.  Curiosity finally got the better of me, going back and watching the pluh and beer videos.  Gotta understand that i still wear the bright green psychostick shirt from the cd release party at the cajun house.

Secondly, i can kill 2 birds with one stone on this one.  What do you feel is the best way to break into advanced coding practices?  I am trying to get motivated to work on some projects, but i feel ridiculously overwhelmed at what i should know vs what i do know. Im a 3rd year computer sci student at ASU, but i feel like im just a script kiddy.  Any advice on how to break out and start to feel confident in the work you put out?  I know practice makes perfect, but my problem is knowing where to start and what to look for.

Wow. You are an old school ‘stick fan. That shirt was our first shirt design ever. I just tried to dig up the old design but couldn’t find it. Weirdness.

As for Mike – I can’t really divuldge details on why he was let go. That’s super personal for him and it’s not my place to make his departure reasons public, or even just between you and me. You’ll notice most bands don’t make internal stuff external for many reasons, many of them being stupidly dramatic. It’s just not the public’s business to know, and it won’t benefit them in any way TO know. Y’know? So in short, you’ll have to ask him yourself.

Advanced coding practices, huh? I’m not really in a good position to give you advice on that because I’m not an advanced programmer. I can get the job done, but not in the most efficient way. I get better and better every time I build something, so like you said practice, practice, practice.

I highly recommend coming up with an idea for an application. Go crazy with the idea, write down all the logistics of how a person would interact with the application. After that’s done, start building it programmatically. You’ll learn stuff very quickly that way because your mind will switch over to “problem solver,” and in my opinion that’s when our brain is in one of the most intelligent states of being. Before you know it, you’ll be able to crank out top-notch stuff with little effort.

Hope that helps!

Also, for you designers out there, I just completed a new site for a fireworks company out of Nebraska – Midwest Fireworks.

On top of that, here’s a side-by-side comparison of concept sketches and final products, just so you get an idea on how I build stuff.

Psychostick.com: Concept, Final.
Psychostick.com Spash Page: Concept, Final
Evacuate Chicago: Concept. Final

And there you have it. I’d show you lyrics to songs but… you’re not permitted. :]

Despite ALL my hard work and efforts, ALL my honesty, ALL of my evidence, ALL the reassuring, there are times when it’s just not enough. I exhaust all approaches and methods I can think of to rectify problems and tough situation between myself and others. I do all I can think of, and I get nowhere.

Where do I go wrong? These are strange situations. I’m not used to being the “bad guy.” I’ve always been able to make things work. I’m a problem solver by nature (must be why I like programming so much), so when something goes unsolved it drives me crazy. I’m having an extremely hard time just letting things go. I just want to understand so I can move forward, but at times I can’t even communicate with the person(s) in question. They’ll cut all ties and I refuse to resort to childish methods that I feel would harm my personal ethics. Plus I’m not a child.

Does that make me stubborn? Refusal to try childish methods that might get me answers? I think it shows a tremendous amount of integrity; standing by my morals and being confident in my position. Those who observe my actions and dealing with those that are butting heads with me can easily tell that I do everything in my power to create common interest. I don’t feel I was ever lacking in my communication to those who refused to truly open up and discuss the issues at hand. “If you want to talk about it, come talk to me about it!”

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

I can’t tell you how many times I say this. Do I have some sort of hard-to-deal-with nature? Why do I give off that vibe when I intend the opposite?

Ugh. Such a frustrating situation. Even though I try to dismiss any hope of actually resolving the situation, DESPITE my efforts, I feel rather misunderstood and disturbed that the other side of the coin never took the time to understand my side (to avoid hypocrisy, I have rationalized the other side of my coin, and things still don’t make sense to me). I guess some folks out there are literally ALL about themselves and nothing more.

Disappointing. What did I learn?

• It’s absolutely impossible to please everyone. This is why we still have the two retarded political parties.
• People will likely NEVER pull you aside and actually confront you if they have a problem. They’ll be passive. You’re going to have to almost beat the truth out of ‘em.
• If you attempt to confront others, 90% of the time you won’t get the whole truth.
• Emotion will always overrule rationality, EVEN WHEN ALL CARDS ARE ON THE TABLE AND THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY YOU ARE WRONG.
• People will almost always blame someone or something else when they are threatened to look within for problems.

Make all the assumptions you want, this blog is about my general experience with people and not any single situation. Just thought you should know.

Ahem. Anyway, I had a question come in, and it took me a while to get to it. Sorry ’bout that.

Name: Simon

Subject:  Blarg. I think advice is needed.

Question: Pluh Rawrb-ski

I got a problem with my band

Basically theres me, a keyboardist and a bassist. We are an industrial metal band and stuff, inspired by many bands including the ‘stick, and yeah.

Anyway, we can’t find any decent guitarists/drummers and I could do with some tips.

Plus we had to change our bandname after some copyright thingiemajigabie and we’ve ran out of ideyarrs. Anyhelp?

PLUUUHHH FROM UK

Wheeelp, I don’t know how publication works over there in the UK, but start hitting up newspapers and online networking to get some recruitment going. Go to local shows, talk to other bands, make buddies. Ask ‘em if they know anyone who’s free and looking to join up a band. You’ll almost always find someone to join up. That’s how we found Alex – Phoenix New Times. RAWR! The band name thing is just gonna have to be you constantly thinking of ideas. Toss ideas around with your bandmates. No matter what, once you’ve told yourself you need to think of a band name, you mind will always be working on it. I thought of the Psychostick band name half-asleep at 2:00 AM.

AND… that’s all. I got a couple web jobs lined up (WOOHOO), so I’ll be able to make my move sooner than later. I’ve missed my Xbox. Plus Jarsh gets here in a few days – hooray for songwriting!

Anyway, I had a question come in. WOW!

Name:     Scotto!

Subject:  Vocal Range. me needs the help!

Question: Hey, Im a vocalist for my newish band and I generally only growl and scream because there isn’t too much range in my actual normal singing voice
My question be, are there any tips on how to get my vocal range higher because some of the singing and notes you get to like in two ton paperwieght…makes me a jealous!

Thanks for you time!

Everyone has singing range. It’s just a matter of finding it. Starting off with growls will make it a bit tougher but you can work on it. The Zen of Screaming by Melissa Cross is a great place to start learning how to sing and scream with range in both! Also, the super high notes I don’t reach for in a live situation – I can but I haven’t been “stretching” for it in a long time. Perhaps it’s time I did.

Hope that helps Scotto!

So what’s Rawrb been up to? What else? TOURING! I’m enjoying it quite a bit, although I don’t really have the energy or stability to pursue my web ideas and crap, I’m still having myself a good time out here. I also kind of snapped at someone in a previous blog asking me to update pluh.com. I’ve got a couple guys on it to help out but personal updates from me won’t happen so fast. Gotta deal with it, alright?

Hard personal decisions for me coming up. It’ll totally be worth it though.

ok so me and a friend of mine made a band have everyone we need getting off the ground is the problem we can never meet at one specific location or one of us will have shit to do so im wondering if this crap has happened to you and pyschostick or anyother band – Zach

Getting a bunch of guys together who all have the same vision in mind isn’t something that’s gonna fall out of the sky. If your guys just can’t hang with meeting up regularly you’ll need to look elsewhere for more dedicated individuals. While life happens, having a band is a whole different commitment in itself. If you’re serious about being in a band you’re gonna have to do whatever it takes to make it work, even if you have to fire the slackers in the process.

More to come later! Rawrgh.

First one, and I hope I’m not too late on these:

Subject: Love Hurts

Message: I’ve been dating the same guy for more than a year now, and it was most awesome for quite some time.  Then we fought.  A LOT.  And still neither of us was willing to give up.  It’s been some sort of metaphorical rollercoaster ride.  Lately I feel ridiculously under-appreciated and unloved…almost ALL the time now in fact.  I don’t know what to do because he’s the only guy I’ve ever felt this strongly about…but I can’t fucking take it anymore either!  He’s almost bi-polar and any problem we have he blames on me every time.  I’m not perfect, but I can’t fuck up that much, can I?  Please help.  I’m pathetically sad and I don’t know what to do. – TS

Yikes.

I apologize if I’m too abrupt or abrasive here, but let’s be honest – are things really going to get better? I can appreciate not wanting to give up because of those initial feelings from the beginning. Sadly many couples make this mistake – things are great in the beginning and then everything just goes downhill and doesn’t seem to get better. They just get worse or they stay the same.

The fundamental question you need to ask yourself is: Are you happy? If the immediate answer isn’t “Yes,” and I mean IMMEDIATE, you have to address it one way or another. If your answer is something like, “Yes – but every now and then…” that’s not a problem. Couples are never perfect and will always have to deal with hardships.

But the vibe I get from your e-mail is that you are incredibly unhappy and while you want things to work out and go back to the way they were, they just aren’t. My advice is to have a big, big talk with the guy and tell him you’re very unhappy. Tell him why. Make SURE you tell him why – nothing is more frustrating to a guy when we get dumped and don’t have a real clue why. Be honest and constructive. If he’s receptive and wants to really, REALLY try and resolve things than go for it. If he starts playing the blame game and isn’t accountable for the stuff he does, then it’s time to dump him. You’ll have to deal with heartbreak for a while but you will recover and find someone who will appreciate you from the beginning to the end. Word.

Next up, a recording question!

Subject:  Singers and computers

Question: Whats up Rawrb?   I got a question involving recording vocals.   I have Adobe Audition, and what i think is a ‘not-cheap’ mic.   My question now is simple – How the hell do i make it sound good, especially for metal growly vocals?   In general…Techniques, programs, bending over for Mrs. Bertha down the street?? – Danny

Well I’m no recording engineer (Jarsh does that for Psychostick), but I will tell you a few things I picked up on.

When it comes to gear or software, 99% of the time you get exactly what you pay for. If you spent a couple hundred bucks on a recording mic, that just won’t cut it. Be prepared to drop a good $500 or more. Of course many recording elitists may disagree on that, but like I said I’m no engineer.

Many things that come into play are: A nice compressor, a 24 bit sound card, versatile software, mic cables, and so forth. From there it’s getting very specific and I don’t know a ton of details. A great place to get some advice is HomeRecording.com, which is a website that Jarsh frequents and got a TON of knowledge from. You will definitely find your answer there somewhere.

One more question!

Subject:  chicks

Question: Yeah, so i’m pretty n00bish on the female gender, but i was wondering if you had any tips on how to tell if a girl was in to you or not. I really like this chick and want to go out with her, but i don’t know if she feels the same way. HELP! – Jerry

I actually answered a very similar question in this blog. Check that out first. Chicks will almost never verbally tell you that they’re into you. It’s all very, very subtle. Basically, flirt your face off and see if she flirts back. If she does gather up the courage and ask her out on a date. You will never know until you straight up ask, and if you wait too long you might get sucked into the friend zone. Here’s more about the friend zone.

Hope that helps. If thiings don’t work out don’t worry about it. There are roughly 3 billion other women on this planet. I think you’ll manage.

On a personal note I think that it’s rather funny that I’m giving out dating advice. Turns out that I’m just way to occupied with Psychostick that I simply don’t have the time or energy for doing any dating of my own. I went out on a few dates recently but nothing really materialized. Let me ask YOU this (time to give me some advice you crazy onlookers) – is it actually possible to date and be happy with it when I’m never home and 95% of my time is taken up by band business? I heard rumors that it is but I have yet to see it. Of course I’ll never rule out the possibility. I personally think that the best thing for me to do is continue to pursue my dreams and the rest will fall right into place when the timing is right.

Looks like I answered my own question. My brains love me! *punch*

First off, I’ve had a few more questions come in. Bayum!

” I am a musician who plays drums guitar bass and does vocals.I write my own music and have now been limited to working with others over the internet.None of the musicians I record or create with have met me face to face.Do you think there could be any future in making music this way? Just wanted to get your take on it man because of course Psychostik kicks ass!!

- K”

Hmm. Honestly it depends. If you plan on playing shows, this won’t work at all. If you’re just recording a track and sending it off to a bandmate to record to it, that could work I suppose. If you’re serious about making music your career, I personally think you’ll need to meet and work in person.

Here’s another!

well you probly here this alot but i am gonna aske ne way. i hve been having a hard time geting a relationship sence 2004 well now it is 2008 i am 18 and there is this girl i have been frends with sence 9th grade and i don’t know jack shit on how to get a relationship started with her i have asked her out once and she said no and i am scared shitless to aske her out again just for the fact of geting shot down again so if you can help me out it would be great

- D

Hmmm. Dry spells are rough on us guys. At one point you lose your grip on what’s really important and can sometimes lower standards, become desperate, etc. That’s why porn is awesome, but I digress. I’ll address the dry spell thing in a moment.

The big problem with asking out someone you’ve been friends with for a long time is exactly that – you’re in the friend zone. Often times the friend zone is exactly like a black hole – once you pass a certain point, you cannot escape. “But RAWRB, I heard of someone who was friends with someone else then they became LOVAWRS!” In extremely rare cases this is possible but highly unlikely. The fact that she’s already told you “no” does not help your chances. Sucks huh?

So what do you do? You totally dig this girl who considers you a friend. What DO YOU DO?! Oh noes!

First things first. I don’t recommend asking her out again. As a matter of fact keep her as a friend. Female friends are awesome. If you insist on making her your girlfriend, get her drunk and put your mouth on her accept her friendship and little by little, flirt. Flirt more as time goes on. Keep flirting AND keep strong disposition on making her your girlfriend. I like to use the fake ego trick later on. “You didn’t go out with me because I’m too awesome. That’s okay, you’re racist against awesome people. No problem.”

Best thing to do here in my honest opinion is to cut your losses and move on. ADVANTAGE = YOU. Being able to move on from something like this shows a TON of personal strength and foundation which’ll make you way more attractive to the entire female gender.

This is tricky stuff to learn. When I mentioned going out on dates, I want you to experiement a little. When going out on a date play around with the following:

• Don’t give out a single compliment. Instead have fun with appearance. “You look great. Almost as great as I do.” This is a joke, and if she has any sort of brain she’ll get it and laugh.
• Flirt like crazy.
• Tease like crazy.
• Constantly accuse her of trying to get into your pants IN A FUN WAY. “Sorry sweetheart, but you have to work for it.” Heh heh.
• Never let her win. EVER. If she does beat you at something, joke about it. “I have to let you win every now and then. Otherwise you’ll probably explode from losing to me so much.” Hell, cheating works too. If you’re playing an arcade game, for example, reach over and start tickling her so she loses. Heh heh, that one always works.
• HAVE FUN. That’s THE most important thing. If she’s non-receptive and just completely sucks, cut it short and end the date. That’ll most likely not happen if you’re doing all of the above. Otherwise you might be on a date with a zombie.

Try it. See what happens. There’s so much more to this that I just don’t have the time to get into it. I can recommend some great reading material that goes into much more detail.

As for dry spells… they happen. Don’t think I’ve ever met a someone who didn’t have one. A four year dry spell is nasty and all your judgement might be out the window. Solution? Start small and start flirting with chicks everywhere. In the grocery store, at a restaurant, at the DMV – EVERYWHERE. Even online.

By the way, flirting is NOT sucking up. Flirting is the exact opposite of sucking up.

For example, let’s say you find a chick on myspace. She’s totally hot and she knows it. Tons of guys post on her profile sucking up to her. They think they’re flirting, but they’re not. They’re LOSING. So how do you flirt with her?

DO NOT compliment her. Make fun of something in her pictures. For example, let’s say she’s posing in a bikini on her bed. Her bed is not made and her room is a mess. MAKE FUN OF THAT. “Sooo, the message here is: Put on bikini, make a huge mess. You’re a horrible role model for women everywhere! Awwh man!” HAR HAR HAR HAR. See? It made me laugh. She’ll laugh if she has a soul. If she doesn’t have 27298234763415 friends, you’ll probably hear back from her. Heh heh.

It doesn’t make sense. Women will often always tell you to be nice and compliment, buy stuff, etc. They’re completely wrong. That stuff might kinda work later on in a relationship (and should be tactfully used), but not when you’re going full force in the dating world.

Throw away what’s been programmed into your head about women and listen closer to your male instincts. You won’t regret it. Basically keep them guessing, keep them curious, keep them intrigued. You = win.

Hell yeah long answer! Anyway.

I’m in the middle of Crisis Core. Cool game, has a decent Final Fantasy feel to it. I find myself analyzing game design more in depth lately than ever before. At times some of these games’ll create some sort of desk punching HATE. It’s not the fact that the game is hard. It’s repetiion. I’m currently at the last boss of the game where the battle just keeps GOING and GOING. Half an hour later, I’m STILL fighting this battle. Crisis Core is a blend of action and RPG, so I’m constantly pressing buttons. The main issue here is that I can’t fight the boss directly because he keeps throwing some minions at me. Before this boss battle there is a bit of a cutscene, which is fine and all, but YOU CAN’T SKIP THE CUTSCENE. 3 generations of cutscenes in Final Fantasy games, and they STILL employ this problem. I probably would have tried again if I didn’t have to watch the cutscene again. It’s not quite as bad as Final Fantasy 7 and 8 where you have to watch these extremely long summon animations. “Yeah yeah, you’re big and badass.” Blarg.

It’s so many of those simple little mistakes that can just ruin the game. Nitpicking isn’t exactly something I like to do, but part of creating a fulfilling experience in a game includes REMOVING annoyances. During the testing phase of the game, ask the testing team what exactly is annoying about the game and fix it! Making the player work for their experience isn’t an annoyance. It’s having to repeat cutscenes, struggle with controls, dealing with cheap ways to make the game longer (like having to chase someone around a town or whatever), and obnoxious repetition. Games have evolved beyond these things, so please stop throwing them in there!

I plan on walking the talk here someday. Game design is something I’ve always wanted to get into and I eventually will. I also believe these game design schools that are coming out aren’t necessary – you either have it or you don’t. I’d like to see if I have it. Rawr.

I dated a girl awhile ago in which we broke up because she had to move. We stayed in touch but the contact has deteriorated to non-existent. I care for her a lot still I just don’t have the guts to call her. What should I do, bro? – TJ

Man oh man. I’m not exactly sure I’m the best guy to be asking this question to. It’s going to be very tough giving you the best unbiased advice on this subject. I’ve been in THIS exact situation about 234,426,743 times partically because I’m Mr. TouringBandGuy.

Anyway, calling her doesn’t hurt anything. She’ll be happy to hear from you, but if your intentions are to get back with her I would defininately gauge that one first before diving right in. See how things go and if there are sparks and stuff, bring it up. If not, cut your losses and move on. You’ll really have to pay attention and rely on your gut/intuition on this. And if you DO get back together while you live far away from each other, well… I wish you the best.

Ok, so I’m slighly biased here. Good luck foo!

Question!

hey you seem like a really down to earth dude. and ive grown to appreciate your (sexy) band more and more. you have really helped out my friend, whos like a little brother to me. i was wondering if you could help me out with something. you see im getting really pissed off on how he is geting treated. he says he doesnt care, but he doesnt deserve the shit that he gets. personally im pissed at the fucks who do do this to him. i do know its not my personal buisness, but i guess im just defensive. also last but not least i think this girl from work is into me, she just broke up with her boyfriend, and she seems to like to get close to me. shes cute and all, but girls are freaking confusing as a bisexual. please help me.

Hell yeah we’re a sexy band. I’ll make sure I pass that along to the guys. Yeeeah.

I understand that you might feel responsible for your buddy’s well being with your circle of friends. Truth be told there’s not a whole lot you CAN do. At times when he’s having a rough time, just make sure you’re supportive of him. Eventually he will stand on his own two feet and remove those people from his life. Just don’t be one of those people, which I don’t think you will be. Good friends are hard to find and it sounds like you’re a good one. He will eventually stand up for himself, so just be there to get his back.

So you’re confused as to whether this girl from work is into you or not? I tell you I used to be BAD at picking up on signals. Ironically enough I would find out much later after the said female found a new fling after giving up on me. No fun.

Things to look for:

• When talking, any time she touches you she’s flirting with you. For instance if you tell her a joke and she laughs while touching your arm, that’s a huge signal.
• When you’re talking to her watch her eyes. If she maintains eye contact and looks at your mouth and back up to your eyes while you talk, that’s another signal. It’s very subtle but big.
• Eye contact is a fun one. For example, say you’re across the room and you look at her and she looks back. When she looks away (and she will), don’t break your eye contact. If she looks back and smiles or whatever, that’s another good sign. This last one is a tricky one and some guys are afraid to try it since they’ll be worried that it’s “staring” or “creepy.”
• Body language. This one can be tricky. If she leans towards you when you talk, that’s another signal. If she bites her lower lip while smiling at you, that’s a BIIIIIG one. There’s tons more, but most of it is intuitive. I would recommend watching some movies where there’s flirting and courting going on between a male and female. WATCH what the chick does when she’s showing interest in the guy. It’ll become very obvious once you understand.

Also, chicks do not normally make the first move. They generally do not ask you out on a date, nor will they move in for that first kiss. They will almost always be super subtle in their interests. They’ll THINK they’re being obvious, but from your perspective you really have to pay attention.

It does sound like this chick is interested. Test her a few more times and pay attention to the signals. Then make your move if you’re interested. You move can include just asking her out or, when the timing is right (NOT at work), moving in for some sloppy face melding. Some call it kissing, but whatever.

Here’s another question! I’m all, knowledgefacedguy.

Question: I’ve liked this one girl since we were freshmen. She’s been through a couple relationships between then…but nothing serious. Now it’s my senior year, and still haven’t gone out with anyone yet. I’m planning on asking her out. Now it gets confusing. Her best friend, also a friend of mine just got out of a relationship with a complete ahole. She’s all the sudden starting to talk to me a whole lot more. Oh, another thing that might not help also. My best friend likes girl #2, and he just got out of a relationship. Here are the options:
1. Continue with Girl #1.
2. Switch for Girl #2.
3. Look elsewhere, and just keep them friends
4. Explode.

I had to read that a few times to make sure I understand your dilemma.

I don’t know if you’re asking me to decide for you or not, but I really don’t know much about these two. Sounds like you’re very interested in girl #1 and a little interested in girl #2, so I would ask #1 first. Then explode. You can have #1 and #4 at the same time!

Good luck to ya!

Here’s the question:

Friends:
I dont know why, but ive always felt like a third wheel when it comes to hanging out with people. the only thing i can figure is that i have guess what you can call a soft personality, dont swear, quiet, ya know stuff like that. What should i do?

This may be a little more difficult

Last year, i became friends with this girl. i thought she was pretty chill so i asked her if she wanted to hang out. SUCCESS!. Every friday, my brother, his friend and mine that girl and i would all go to the mall and experience crazy shinaniganz. Sooner or later, i started to like her more than a friend. she found out and didnt really care. as soon as summer hit, our friend ship had really drifted away bigtime, but we still keep in touch. Over time, my friend and her have gotten to be closer friends and ive been kicked out of the picture. The creepy thing is that he is 3 years older than her, EWWW.

Girls are freaking confusing, ARG! what can i do?

I think I know what you mean by third wheel. I believe that feeling “like a 3rd wheel” isn’t a bad thing, maybe you have a unique approach on things that people sometimes don’t understand? I had a group of friends when I was way younger that I didn’t relate to that well, and often I felt so different from them. Eventually I did meet some people that I did relate to more and ended up starting a dumb band with one of them.

The message here is that no matter HOW you feel, 3rd wheel or whatever, just be your own unique self and things will fall into place naturally.

The same thing applies to girls. The female gender can be extremely confusing because we think, “She’s giving me signals and we have fun together, but why doesn’t she feel the same way I do?” Oh the contradictions. Oh the backasswards logic. It’s all there. Nothing is as it seems when it comes to chicks. NOTHING. You might hear her say one thing, but she really FEELS the exact opposite. It’s mind boggling and has been driving men crazy for thousands upon thousands of years. Lucky for you you’ve got a brain and can figure this out. It’s really simple when you stop overthinking it and just use your judgment and intuition.

First things first with this girl – it’s too late. Sorry. It sucks, but it’s too late. Time to cut your losses and move on. Your window of opportunity left you a while back. It’s ok. This happens to all guys at some point. Matter of fact, many of us brainy quiet types get hit with the friend zone all the time. The best thing to do right now is to stay friends with her.

Not what you wanted to hear? Yeah I know. Trust me though, it’ll make more sense as time goes by. It’s essential for all males to have female friends. Keep her as your friend and be genuine about it. This shows that not only do you want her as your friend, you want to KEEP it that way. Keep doing those things that you always did. Stay in her friend zone. Actually you don’t have a choice – you’re already there, so that’s no problem.

This also shows that you’re over that whole crush you had on her and that could POSSIBLY become strangely attractive to her later, but don’t count on that one bit.

Now why is it so important to have female friends?

When you’re dating, having a healthy circle of friends is extremely attractive. Now don’t run out and get a circle of friends JUST to get laid or meet chicks – that’s against the guy code. You’ll get asked to hand in your “Awesome Guy Card” immediately. You’ll have your awesome circle of friends to be there to support you as you would them. Friends are far more valuable than any romantic relationship you’ll get in. Some may disagree with me. If you lose your girlfriend, you’ll always have your friends. Romantic relationships aren’t nearly as stable and reliable as your buddies, even the female ones. Just remember that.

Fuck, I’m getting a bit off subject. Har har stupid coffee.

Chicks are inherently confusing, but it’s even more of a battle if you don’t understand yourself. Heh, if you can’t understand how you operate how on earth can you understand others? Sounds crazy I know, but it’s really a great place to start to get all of this figured out.

That’s pretty much the first step. Beyond that is nitpicking on stuff like body language, eye contact, flirting, etc. That’s a whole other topic for another time. :p

So in a nutshell just relax, be yourself, pursue the stuff that makes you happy, and you’ll be ready when your quintessential female comes walking into your life. If she’s not here yet, you’re not ready for her.

Wow I impress myself. *flex*

Here.

ok here is my situation….
there is this guy he is four and a half years older than me but we hit it off really well. he isnt my actual boyfriend but he trusts me and i want to trust him. i love him.
well he is in arkansas doing some training to go to iraq in january. well he went to go meet this girl, and he is going to stay with her for the weekend. he promised me that he wasnt going to do anything but i know that most guys….well the guys that ive been with would do it seen as its there.
should i be worried that he will do things and not tell me?
i want to believe and trust his every word but i dont know if i can.
please give me advice…
- L

For starters, a 4.5 year age difference is just fine. It might be weird if he was 18 and you were 14, but your situation is legal so it’s cool. Hell, I turn 28 this month and my last girlfriend was 5 years younger than me. Go me, eh?

Anyway. He’s off training and about to leave the country for a while, so your situation just got complicated. This is where trust and communication will become the two single most important factors between you two

I think it’s natural to worry about his faithfulness to you. However from a guy’s perspective, it’s incredibly annoying when we get stereotyped as liars and cheaters. You’re probably not accusing him (at least I hope not), but it’s easy to imply that you’re secretly jealous and might not trust him. Let’s look at a couple of facts:

1. Men interact with women every day (unless World of Warcraft rules your life with an iron doom hammer).
2. Men have female friends (well, the healthy ones .
3. Men might even have female friends who you might think are prettier than you are.
4. Men could also still be good friends with ex-girlfriends whom might even share a complicated history together.

Trusting him while he’s out there really depends on his personality and if he appreciates you. It’s hard for me to say, “Yeah, trust him!” I just don’t know the guy. If he hasn’t given you any reason not to trust him, then I wouldn’t worry about it.

The BEST way, in my experience, is to just support him. Encourage his social life. “You’re hanging with Sally? Ok, have fun! Call me later, ok?” This establishes in many, many subtle ways you trust him and have faith in his fidelity.

And be GENUINE about it. If he asks, “You trust me, right?” The answer is, “Yes I do. Why shouldn’t I?”

However, the only thing I’m not sure about is how you mentioned he’s not actually your boyfriend. Hmmm. That’s peculiar to me. The above advice really applies if you’re committed to each other, but if you’re not you really ought to find out where you stand with the guy. If he’s standoffish about committing, I’d honestly move on. Sucks, I know, but it’ll save you so much drama and heartache later on.

From a guy’s point of view, if I’m deliberately not committing to a woman, I’m keeping my options open.

So… yeah. I feel for you. This stuff can really suck sometimes just like it can be the most awesome-est thing EVAR.

Hope that helps.