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Shattered Heart Tacos!
Got another question. One would think I know something about stuff! Wait, what?
Here.
ok here is my situation....
there is this guy he is four and a half years older than me but we hit it off really well. he isnt my actual boyfriend but he trusts me and i want to trust him. i love him.
well he is in arkansas doing some training to go to iraq in january. well he went to go meet this girl, and he is going to stay with her for the weekend. he promised me that he wasnt going to do anything but i know that most guys....well the guys that ive been with would do it seen as its there.
should i be worried that he will do things and not tell me?
i want to believe and trust his every word but i dont know if i can.
please give me advice...
- L
For starters, a 4.5 year age difference is just fine. It might be weird if he was 18 and you were 14, but your situation is legal so it's cool. Hell, I turn 28 this month and my last girlfriend was 5 years younger than me. Go me, eh?
Anyway. He's off training and about to leave the country for a while, so your situation just got complicated. This is where trust and communication will become the two single most important factors between you two
I think it's natural to worry about his faithfulness to you. However from a guy's perspective, it's incredibly annoying when we get stereotyped as liars and cheaters. You're probably not accusing him (at least I hope not), but it's easy to imply that you're secretly jealous and might not trust him. Let's look at a couple of facts:
- Men interact with women every day (unless World of Warcraft rules your life with an iron doom hammer).
- Men have female friends (well, the healthy ones :).
- Men might even have female friends who you might think are prettier than you are.
- Men could also still be good friends with ex-girlfriends whom might even share a complicated history together.
Trusting him while he's out there really depends on his personality and if he appreciates you. It's hard for me to say, "Yeah, trust him!" I just don't know the guy. If he hasn't given you any reason not to trust him, then I wouldn't worry about it.
The BEST way, in my experience, is to just support him. Encourage his social life. "You're hanging with Sally? Ok, have fun! Call me later, ok?" This establishes in many, many subtle ways you trust him and have faith in his fidelity.
And be GENUINE about it. If he asks, "You trust me, right?" The answer is, "Yes I do. Why shouldn't I?"
However, the only thing I'm not sure about is how you mentioned he's not actually your boyfriend. Hmmm. That's peculiar to me. The above advice really applies if you're committed to each other, but if you're not you really ought to find out where you stand with the guy. If he's standoffish about committing, I'd honestly move on. Sucks, I know, but it'll save you so much drama and heartache later on.
From a guy's point of view, if I'm deliberately not committing to a woman, I'm keeping my options open.
So... yeah. I feel for you. This stuff can really suck sometimes just like it can be the most awesome-est thing EVAR.
Hope that helps.
Non-eternal questions.
Meeeh! So this past week I've spent so much time working on this new Psychostick DVD. Most of my time has gone to transferring video from tape to hard drive. An hour long video is about 15 gigs, aaaand... yeah I've filled up a 500 gig drive and had to go get another one. I have to do some stuff to our Psychostick myspace page AND .com page to shift focus towards our album fundraiser, so... yeah! Busy.
I did receive a few questions (all within a day!), so I answer them IN YOUR FACE.
"Whats it like to be in a band and what all do you need to begin one? Because we were wanting to start one ourselves. - Justin."
Well, being in a band is kind of like being married. Not that I would know what it's like to be married since I haven't been, though I'm told it's like being in a marriage.
Anyway, being in a band is a very atypical thing to do by society's standards. You know, go to school, get a job, have kids, etc. A band is quite the opposite of all those things in many ways and it's a very strange experience if you're not used to it. It almost feels like you're walking on a different plane of existence from those around you who are not experiencing it.
For me personally it's been a huge learning and growing experience. Your comfort zone gets demolished, at times you want to strangle your bandmates, you find out exactly how you handle stress, but in the end it's more than worth it when you walk on that stage. They way people react to your music, your creation, cannot be described. It can only be experienced.
I hope that helps.
"what do you do, when your ex-girlfriends friends, keep calling your phone, and telling you how awesome her new boyfriend is? - zac"
WOW.
This is tough to answer.
First of all, you're young (it says you're 14 on your profile). Chicks at THAT age can be extremely obnoxious. I find that when dealing with immature actions like that (which can sadly carry on throughout their lives in some cases) you counter with something they don't see coming.
Something that they won't have any way to get the upper hand.
Be humble and positive. Most people don't know how to deal with that. It's AWESOME.
Here's exactly what I would say.
"Really? He's that awesome? You know what? Good for them. I really hope they're happy."
Something along those lines would work. If they can't insult you or make you feel like crap, they'll never win. Not only that, but it'll generally make you feel better for wanting the best for everyone.
And be genuine about it. They might be playing this stupid little game, yet you are above the game by completely dismissing it and hoping for the best for everyone. Don't give in to that crap.
In the end, what you said will carry back to your ex-girlfriend and she'll actually appreciate that, even if you don't want her to. :p
"I need some advice. I've been friends with someone for about 4 years now. I went to his birthday party last week and I found out he has been a stoner for about 3 years. this hit me hard because I'm very anti-drug if that makes sense. I did not suspect a thing. What would you do in this situation? Should I keepin touch with him? - Adam"
You know, I've been in your situation. Yeah! I can actually say that. :)
Several years ago one of my oldest, bestest friends ended up telling me he was a stoner. I couldn't believe it at first because at the time, I was STRONGLY against drugs of every kind.
Thing is, he probably hasn't told you because he was worried about how you'd feel about the whole thing. Personally you can stand your moral ground and still be against it, but make things clear with him how you feel and how you don't want anything to do with it.
I find that when dealing with stoners or druggies in general you can either get angry, hate them, whatever, but that won't stop them from doing what they do. Letting them in your life all depends on how strongly against it you feel, but keep in mind the type of drugs also makes a difference in this choice too.
For example, I refuse to associate with people who are into the "drugs that can kill you," like heroine, coke, etc. Pot is really harmless. I personally don't do any drugs whatsoever, aside from the occasional Advil for a headache. HAR HAR. I've just never had any interest. You wouldn't believe how many people freak out when I tell them I've never tried pot. Very funny stuff.
Also, I find it hard to be around people who obsess with any type of substance, even alcohol. Too much of anything is bad.
That's all for now. More stuff coming as always. Hell yeah!
NOOOOOOOO!
Question from Amanda from Omaha:
"will you marry me?"
NO!
More blogs later. Maybe.
Calendar Dating?! No.
Why did I add this category? Well, let's just say I was inspired.
Personally I think this will be more of me posting some vague personal experiences. Obviously I'll be somewhat tactful with this. Can't get too personal with you jerks, now can I? (No.) Plus I don't think you'll want to hear specific... details. Har har.
At the moment I don't have much to report other than my current "on-the-road" lifestyle makes any sort of committed relationship unappealing. More on this some other time.