Learn, learn! LAWRN!

Streaming video games isn't for me.

*gigantic, massive sigh of relief*

This was a tough realization for me to uh... realize. I couldn't really believe that the prospect of "playing video games and potentially making money from playing said video games" would ever remotely seem unappealing, because on paper that sounds amazing.

The reality of streaming video games reared its ugly head when I started to witness the overall vibe and expression of full-time streamers. I'm definitely not going to name any names or discredit anyone for their hard work and dedication to being a full-time streamer, but I am starting to notice a mental health struggle amongst them.

For me, streaming is going to be more focused on something that is more relevant to my interests and less about the status quo, if there even is such a thing. I mean, these streamers who become bazillionaires typically playing/mastering one-ish game(s) have to wonder if there's more to their existence than that. Right? Am I crazy?

Then again, I suppose it's not much different than working a job you once loved that ended up becoming a grind.

I have a fear of being in situations like that, and the last thing I want to do is paint myself in a corner doing one thing, even if the place I'm painting is a palace. So, I'm taking a step back from personal streaming to figure out what I want to do. I have a good idea, but it needs refining. Don't worry; Psychostick is still figuring out their thing with live performances on Twitch. It'll be separate. Mostly.

It is liberating to take a step back and go, "You know, as much as I thought streaming video games would be for me, it really isn't, and I'm not going to force it." Initially it made sense in my head. I'm a performer. I love video games. Twitch is performing and playing video games at the same time. It SHOULD work for me, but it just isn't jiving.

I suspect it's because video games are a recreational thing for me, and trying to make that my living just takes away the pure enjoyment I get from getting lost in a game. I love that feeling; being immersed in another world with super powers or the like. Trying to perform and play the game at the same time just takes me out of the game, and that right there, from my perspective, defeats the purpose of playing video games.

So hats off to you streamers out there who can keep it fun and fresh for yourselves while making a living doing so. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you always have fun and never experience burnout.

That being said, I have a bit more of a plan for streaming that won't involve games (mostly). I'm fairly certain most of it will end up being related to music, but as I mentioned above, I need to do a bit more planning before I dive too far into it. I'm not even sure if I'll keep that under the Psychostick name, but either way, I'm really excited to try this out and I hope it feeds my creative interests rather than burn me out. Time will tell.

Oh hey there! *insert 1996 under construction .gif here*

I'm movin' the old Rawrb.com back from Tumblr. You can always browse the archive if you want. I'm trying to kind of gravitate away from social media controlled craziness to focus on creating things and juggling my many weird projects. This kind of gives me an “old man” mentality here I guess.

Whatevs.

I've been spending a bit more time focusing on organizing my life. It's extremely easy to get swept up in projects, especially when you've got a “I must do all the things or I'm the worst guy ever” disposition. So, I decided to take a step back and just prioritize and focus.

First off, this blog. It's good to journal things out and give your brain a little breathing room to process everything. I find that power naps work well for me (20-30 minute intense napping sessions), as well as talkin' things out with loved ones. Sounds weird as well as oversimplified, but sometimes you just gotta vent that stuff. Take the time, it's worth it.

There are many things I want to talk about, but I've spent a little too much time puttin' this page back together. Yeah, I stole some Bootstrap code and mangled it into this, but right now it's more about getting it out. I plan on doing a whole bunch of design stuff and programmy things to this site eventually. That means it might not ever happen, and I'm okay with that.

I'm not even using a CMS right now. This is me typing onto a static HTML document. Hah.

So before I wrap this up, let me kind of barf out an update for those that are interested:

  • I've gone on several crazy JavaScript dives and really, REALLY understand the language now. Never thought I could say that with confidence. Yikes!
  • I'm currently in the middle of an insane PHP dive. I've only used it for simpler stuff, but now the OOP crap that I've learned from JavaScript is giving me a tremendous boost.
  • Yes, I'm going to be talking more about programming. It's a ton of fun and very rewarding. Shut up.
  • I recently took on a part-time developer gig, which is helping me sharpen my skills and actually pays me money. So strange.
  • Started learning piano. Seriously. It's coming along nicely, too. Every aspect of my fleshy existence that is musical is growing like crazy. What's that? Want me to play an F#7 chord with an augment? I got you, baby. *wink wink*
  • I know comics are laughably slow. I've got a thing I'm working on that'll make up for it. Sssh.
  • Doing a TON more musical composition for Psychostick and other projects. Stay tuned.
  • Content creation for Psychostick is a huge team effort that will continue onward no matter what. Non-Psychostick content creation is currently paused until I get things more sorted out.
  • Project and time management has become a HUGE focus of mine. I can't recommend Wrike (Project Management Thundertool) and Notion (Destroyer of Evernote) enough. Check 'em out.
  • Bought a house for the first time. WEIRD.
  • Got finances sorted out by hiring a competent accountant for personal and biz. The shitty result of that is I owe a silly amount of taxes due to incompetence. Please buy stuff (if you're into the things I work on, of course. No guilt trips!).
  • Actually eating better and liftin', brah.

Video updates might be a thing in the future too. I know reading is hard, but c'mon guys. You can (maybe) do it.

*groan* I can't believe I just said that.